3. She would eventually apologize to me, and mention she did not mean to hurt me and that I am such a great person and such. No contact. That comment really rubs me the wrong way. Will my narcissist hoover? One month of No Contact and my ex hasn't contacted me yet. And secondly, its YOUR life, your emotions and your risk at stakenot theirs. I mourn the person he could have been if his life started over in a different family. I read the letter first and I believe- I was guided to it for a reason. The emotionally and financially damage is done and cannot be corrected, as one cannot travel back in time. I researched NPD and sure enough- totally described my husband. Fathers of their children.. You are doing great service work in this area and you should be proud of how many people you help and inspire every day. I know logically who he is (the therapist who we had seen together informed me the other day that my ex is actually very sociopathic and rare and this is a guy whose specialty is abusive, angry men)so I know on paper who and what he isyet WHY cant I get him OUT of my heart? What their relationship style . Wants the kids to see you both as friends. it hurt but I am not responding. Only now accepting that I was one of them too. Reasons and purpose will be given and the person in the relationship with the Narcissist will see the Narcissist through rose tinted goggles. You are afraid to let him go because you can no longer see who you are without him. FAST and PRAY That gets Gods eyes on you. totally mental, but I am not mental even though hes tried his hardest to convince me that I am. I think I triggered something during my visit that was seen as critical of him. He kept his ex gf pining after him and would act as if i was being insecure, when really he was instigating the attention he would receive as a means to look more desirable. Ive come to accept he will neve change and that he will never ever come back to me ( not even to apologize for the hell hes making me go throught and affecting our son too). I cant help to talk about him to people. The high you get with them is fantastic. The pieces of this insane puzzle will never come together and you may never truly understand what she was thinking or feeling for you. wonderful post. But since you used no contact, your ex is not annoyed by you. I dont agree with any of it, its just how Narcissists think. They merely put their partners in a figurative storage lockeron an indefinite silent treatment, if you will. I love seeing myself through your eyes. IDK WHAT I MISS HES MEAN TO ME ALWAYS WHEN I DO SEE HIM HE TELLS ME WHEN I CAN TALK N TO WHO. One us mere Genuine, Loving, Caring, Giving, Trusting, Empthetic, Loyal Mortals will never ever understand. Two very short and plainly written articles (but youll want to read more ). [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. That I seemed to have bipolar and need help. And if they cant be guaranteed to stay away, we can stay on a roller coaster of emotion, wondering if and will they will return, and that gives them a considerable amount of control over us. In any case, tiredofliars8 and I sound like we went through a lot of the same kinds of things with a very similar personality type. The dynamic is different from normal in so far as this is a group of people who take part in a sport I dont actually have to specifically spend time with this person but he is always there an omnipresence and vocal with it as you would expect its all about him the notion that he is as I suspect him to be is quite unambiguous. And make no mistake: the BPD will be laughing/orgasming with their Newest Vessel as you plummet to your death. I realize that sounds contradictory. They become overly critical of you. However, out of the blue, your ex unblocked you but hasn't reached out. We were like best friends. I am probably right! A checklist of narcissistic douche-canoe behaviors | Process of Elimination. Keep in mind that this woman more or less pushed herself into my life after I initially reached out to her. This is a tricky one and maybe Kim could help you. Telling him hes a Narc would only gets his back up and make him attack like a snake. He gets no prize for that but it is a difference Ive noticed. So i have got to stay strong. Thats why EVERYONE gets a bottle of No Contact at the door. -Overpowering the partner with a loud, yelling voice THIS is Why Narcissists Refuse to be Accountable, What to Do When the Narcissist Downgrades After You, Are You Addicted to a Narcissist (and if so, What Do You Do About It?). I suppose that is the way of life in many situations but as I said before Im not letting THIS particular situation go without a fight. Ah, just whispering, or secretive etc. The woman whom he triangulated me against is not happy, because they use to meet and walk their dogs. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Your most recent gf sounds like a cold hearted person who is NOT a catch in anyway imaginable. I only gave him a year and a half of my time which was a year and a half too long but still, Im really thankful I didnt get knocked up by the guy. Ok nw i feel miserable and have to take myself up. This morning, searching for a response to my ex narcissistic unmarried baby father, whos dumped me and left me to rott is now, after 7 month posting me with calls and text messages using his daughter as a tool to keep me locked and unable to move forward I can be attracted and everything but iy doesnt matter I have no interest its like something died in me. Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life! Hate Christmas thats comming. AMONGST 14 OTHER PPL. In hindsight, its really quite juvenile, isnt it? -Responding positively to their partners mirroring Whats the attraction? He said he is happy with new girlfriend but thinks it would be good for us to be friends for the kids sakes. Im sure you have added me to that list now. -Telling their own friends and family white stories (not the whole story) that may also be aggrandized to sound better My Mother was Narcissistic also and a couple of years ago disinherited me. I hope he sends me back something nice soon. 2 years into the relationship I found on facebook that he had moved in with one of the women on the telephone bill. Why torture yourself reading her posts and seeing photos of her with this other guy. He talked and messaged 3 girls from his job continuously in the consecutive years. Want to know more? "Apologizing" for their behavior. The sooner you see that everythjng is about them, their is a pattern you get caught up in with them. Then I did no contact again for 90 days. Narcissists dont engage the final discard. I just need to share this as I feel lost sometimes, but on the right path.I wanted to share this, as I am scared of my ex. I shut down my social network after his vile sister attacked me backstage last fall in year in Chicago. Then feels low / hungover and shes back telling me Im her home etc.. how did this happen? He seems to enjoy freedom, but why hold onto me at same time? Never did it occur that I would, but heres my advice: Dont attack. yes, he is fearful of my presence and tells the kidss, I dont want your mother anywhere near me, lol. They had bled their partner dry of all the narcissistic supply they had and left when they had nothing left to give. (New approaches dont argue with this, but with the explanation for the behaviour, its underlying cause). I receive questions all the time from people who were in relationships with narcissists, and they are the same questions I used to have. The plan is to keep you within reach. Its been six months. Defends me! I went no contact, although not right away. God Bless You..I was with mine for 2 years and that was enough to rip me to pieces. And it will be if you go back. I must say this. Not once did he call me to see if I was ok I hate tslkin about this IT MAKES ME SOOOO SAD BUT I HAVE TO ASKWHAT IS THE COMPULSION W DOIN BACK NOT BEIN ABLE TO PUT HIM DOWN M LEAVE HIM THERE? So, he probably has no intentions of moving in with her, it is all a ploy to keep me guessing, right?? Its hard to see the future without him. I have no energy to look out of my son and cook and clean.. I just wish it was easier for me to understand her intentions. He has never been violent, only emotionally and psychologically abusive. But the real challenge is when he contacts me. good bye. The new supply doesn't know the narcissist's agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. Some part of me liked that he was trying to get me back. This means that 4-5 people out of 100 you know are these creatures!! I didnt until I met mine. Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. You need to work on your self worth. We are in the same situation!! Should I be concerned for my safety? Just because you are no longer married doesn't mean that life after divorce from a narcissist is going to be total freedom. He has that spiritual persona and everyone thinks he is so wise and enlightened. You cant go to a no contact sone and get easier over it like people with no children. I went to court house for EPO and they couldnt do it, because he was silent for a week and wasnt threatening me etc. This is when she got her hooks in me. Nothing great about it. Forgot to include how important the No Contact is. And yes, lack of boundaries and low self-esteem ARE common denominators. Thanks Anon, if he only cares about appearances why is he so indifferent to losing the material things he once treasured so highly?? Shouting that has a lot of problems on his head and how dare i claim him so much i was embarassed for my family to hear so i said with a harder voice to go through him.. `Yes my mother is ok she is worried but feels good.!! He proves his disorder with most of what he tells me. We broke up 9 months ago and it has taken this long to get him out of my system to the point where I can have a normal life. Watch out for laziness. My question would then be will I have to spend the rest of my life worried that hes just curious about me and so will feel entitled to stalk me online (i.e. So why the happy birthday text, then now when he saw me looking sexy, he has no communication? She promised to pay back every dime. For example, the other day, on the anniversary of his moms death, he sent a msg to remind me, adding that we should keep the ones we love close and that he misses me. As I stated, there was no falling out between us. This is the point I look back on and realise I was so in love with her the rational part oif my brain stopped working. The healing here is astonishing. Unlike your ex, mine doesnt cop to anything hes done. ), immature accusations, sugar coated romantic words, love bombing gestures, open ended promises and the rest as a grain of salt. Hopefully all the skills we need to make us even stronger & all the knowledge we need to ensure that we never ever give away our heart & soul to just anyone who doesnt deserve it and nor will we ever let anyone take from us so much of ourselves. The narcissists jealousy will lead them to want to drag you back down to the level you were at when you were together. But maybe he just forgatten me. -Not giving partner recognition for things that normally would be considered very nice gestures of sharing but always expecting recognition for theirs They can lie in a New York minute. Second, psychologically, there is a constant tension inside us due to desiring someone who causes us such pain and yet periodically comes back to rescue us from it. Anyways random motifs I noticed between FREEATLASTS note and this one: excessively wordy Mean to me ALWAYS when I can talk N to my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me and finally stay congruent with wish... 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